By Heather Dinneen, MSW, LICSW

The teen years are filled with growth, change, and emotional ups and downs. One of the most challenging aspects of adolescence is navigating friendships. As a caregiver, you may notice that your teen’s “best friend” suddenly disappears from conversation. The constant texts, phone calls and sleepovers come to an abrupt halt, leaving your teen feeling lost and confused.

A friendship breakup can be just as painful as the end of a romantic relationship. Understanding the signs that a friendship is fading and knowing how to support your teen through the experience is crucial to their emotional well-being.

Why friendship breakups hurt so much

Gyan Yankovitch, author of “Friendship First: From New Sparks to Chosen Family, How Our Friends Pave the Way for Lifelong Happiness,” argues that losing a friend can be even harder than ending a romantic relationship. Unlike romantic breakups, which often come with clear labels and closure, friendships tend to end suddenly or without explanation—either through an explosive argument or by “ghosting.”

Yankovitch explains in her book, “The pain of being ghosted by a friend isn’t just difficult because of the loss it represents but also because it can feel impossible to put words to.” This uncertainty can make the loss even more confusing and painful for teens.

Recognizing the signs of a friendship breakup

As a caregiver, you may notice subtle signs that your teen is struggling with a friendship breakup, such as:

• They no longer mention a friend’s name in conversation.
• They report sitting with different peers—or even alone—at lunch.
• They seem moodier, sadder or more irritable than usual.
• Communication with the friend’s parents in your text group stops.

How to support your teen through a friendship breakup

If you suspect your teen is going through a friendship breakup, here are some ways to help:

1. Be curious and open
   Instead of making assumptions, gently open the conversation by saying something like, “I noticed you haven’t invited Sam over for a sleepover this weekend like usual.” This gives your teen space to share if they feel comfortable.
2. Stay calm
   If your teen confides in you, resist the urge to overreact or reach out to the friend’s parents. While it’s natural to want to fix things, your teen needs you to be a calm and supportive presence.
3. Validate their feelings
   Avoid minimizing their pain with phrases like, “You’ll make new friends” or “It’s just high school.” Instead, acknowledge their feelings: “I can see this is really hard for you. I’m here if you want to talk.”
4. Offer meaningful support
   Ask your teen how they would like to cope. Do they want to watch a movie with you? Grab hot chocolate and talk it out? Or maybe they just need space? Let them guide the way.
5. Help them reflect and move forward
   Encourage your teen to think about what they valued in the friendship and what they might want in future friendships. Help them brainstorm ways to rebuild their social circle in a way that feels right for them.

When to seek professional help

Most teens will move on naturally, forming new friendships and learning from the experience. However, if your teen seems withdrawn for an extended period, shows signs of depression or their grades begin to decline, consider seeking professional support. A therapist can provide an objective perspective and help them develop coping skills to navigate these emotions in a healthy way.

Communication is key

Parenting a teen comes with its fair share of challenges, and friendship breakups are no exception. Keeping the lines of communication open, offering support without judgment and helping your teen problem-solve will go a long way in helping them navigate these difficult years. By being a steady source of comfort, you can empower your teen to grow through the ups and downs of friendship and beyond.

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