Welcoming a new child into the family is an adjustment for parents and siblings. This transition is difficult for children welcoming a sibling for the first time, who are used to having a lot of individualized attention. It is also challenging in different ways for older siblings who have gone through a family adjustment before, but are now welcoming another child into the family.

When families grow, it can affect each family member differently. The roles in the family continue to be redefined and renegotiated. Periods of negotiation can be difficult for children. Here are a few things to consider to make the transition easier.

Consider their developmental stage

All children, regardless of age, are at different developmental levels. Very young children might have a harder time understanding what it means to welcome a new baby to the family. Reading stories about becoming a big brother or sister gives children examples of what the transition might look like and how to cope with changes and emotions. Older siblings can benefit from stories, too. For children who can communicate their feelings, you might ask them to share what they are most worried about and provide reassurance. For children who can communicate more easily, it’s important to engage them in conversations often as you prepare for the birth of the new sibling.

Assess family routines

A new baby might mean a shift in routines and responsibilities. Assess and anticipate how these aspects will change when another child is added to the family. Talk about those changes openly to prepare your children for how things will be different. For example: “Mom is going to be home with the new baby for a little while and won’t be able to make it to your baseball games. But Dad, Mimi and Papa will still be there.” It’s important to be realistic about what the changes might be, so there is adequate time for your children to adjust their expectations and prepare for things being different. This is a great time to validate emotions around some of those anticipated changes, too.

Define roles

Being promoted to a big sibling can be exciting! Model this excitement when you talk about what things will be like once the baby arrives. To help siblings feel important and a part of this exciting family change, think about how you’ll define their new sibling role. The new baby is someone to play with and the big sibling gets to show them around the playroom. The big sibling can help and make sure the baby has what they need. Big siblings can pick out the bedtime story every night, or big sibling can lay on the floor during tummy time and cheer the baby on. Older children can engage in more abstract conversations about being a big sibling, such as having a new best friend for life or talking about all the future fun they’ll have together engaging in family traditions or hobbies.

Quality time

In preparation for the new sibling being added to the family, it’s important to give your existing children a lot of quality time. Quality time encourages strong parental attachment and will make your children feel more secure when the new baby arrives. Even 10 minutes a day doing a one-on-one activity with your children, without the distraction of your phone or other family members, increases attachment to your child. This can be playing on the floor with their favorite toy, cooking food together, playing basketball in the driveway or reading a book together at bedtime. You can use this time to talk about what quality time will look like after the arrival of the baby. Invite your children to share what they want that time to look like too. Reassure them you’ll still have time for them and agree on a plan for how you’ll enjoy that time together.

Talk about feelings

Family changes are hard for everyone and it’s important to talk about your emotions and feelings through this process. Younger children will need more support coping with their feelings and emotions, especially if they’re not verbally able to tell you how they are feeling. Using reflection is a great way to help young children become aware of their emotions and validate how they are feeling. Older children might need more encouragement to share their emotions and some prompts on how to cope.

You can plan for a sibling transition by talking about some anticipated emotions ahead of time, such as jealousy, and modeling ways to cope. You can develop an emotional thermometer that is unique for your child. This is a color-coded visual that associates different emotions with colors. For children who have a hard time verbalizing how they feel, they can instead point to a color, helping a parent know what type of support they might need. This can be kept on the fridge or any other location with easy access.

If space allows, you could consider having a dedicated cozy corner for your older sibling that is only for them and off limits to the new sibling. In that area, they can keep comfort items such as a favorite blanket or stuffed animal, preferred toys, coloring items or play dough. This can be an area they seek out when they want to comfort themselves or just need some space from the baby.

Allison Norton, MSW, LICSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 15 years of experience in community-based children’s behavioral health. She holds a Master of Social Work from the University of New Hampshire, is certified in Collaborative Problem Solving and currently serves as Program Expert Manager at Youth Villages. In her practice, she has supported young people in managing diverse mental health and behavioral challenges, while helping families strengthen parenting skills to foster resilience and stability.

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